I once said moving to Longview was our last option. And at the time, it was! After Jordan was out of work for almost 6 months and he found a job in Abilene (west), Texas, he needed a better one and I...well, I didn't need to live in Abilene. We were very disappointed to leave Colorado, but I looked forward to being back in Utah near my family and some friends. When that fell through, we just didn't know where we were going or what we were doing or how to even make ends meet. That's how we ended up in Longview. And I'm SO thankful that God sees the big picture instead of just my little view of it.
Since we've been here, we've continually been blessed beyond measure and beyond what we deserve. The friends and family we've come to known and love mean more than I'd ever imagined. We never expected all that the Lord continues to bless us with, like Jordan's job, our first house and great yard, 2 more kids, getting out of debt, and I'm just blown away! I love when God turns our last options into something beautiful!
Yesterday as we drove home from church, I was telling this to Jordan and I remembered a specific time back in college. I was going through some really tough stuff like major loneliness and lots of car accidents and boredom with school. I would often skip class to go for a hike or drive up a canyon and spend time with the Lord. One day I was hiking along a river that curved and twisted and I could only see a short portion of it at a time. God showed me that that is very much like my life. I can only see a short portion, a very small, tiny part of a much bigger picture. But God knows very well what is around the corner, he knows what's way ahead and even better, he directs the "flow" and sees the beauty I will encounter. That picture of the river has been in my mind since. What's really neat is that it was partly that day that made me decide to apply for that job at Camp Redcloud which is where I would meet Jordan.
When we first moved back to Longview, we hoped to be here no longer than two years. I doubt God really laughs at the plans people make, but I really think he should have laughed at ours! Looking back, I sure do! I've always felt like a wanderer, in fact, I never wanted to own my own
house and stay in one spot for long. But God is changing me and I'm
more content here than I've felt in any other place in my life. I don't
think it's the place though, but the community and the knowledge that we
are exactly where the Lord wants us. If God had allowed us to stay where we wanted, I really think we would have missed out on so much. Not just material things, but relationships and growth in our own lives and in our marriage. We've now been in our house a whole year, Emery just turned 2 and we'll be celebrating our 5th year anniversary on Sunday. All these milestones make me stop and really remember where we've come from and what the Lord has brought us out of. Sort of like the Israelites. I just hope I do a better job remembering, so I pray that God will "Bind My Wandering Heart to Thee."
We arrived at GSMC at 6 AM on a freezing morning December
12, 2012. Apparently we weren’t the only ones who were having a 12/12/12 baby
as we stood in line to finish registration. I found my room in L&D and met
my nurse for the day, Brooke Black (who we later found out was actually friends
with my brother in law in youth group!)
and I was very thankful for her! All the preliminary things took about 3 hours
so around 9 AM Dr Mauldin broke my water in hopes that that would be all I
would need to go into full labor (it worked with Adelaide’s birth!). By this
time, I’d been having contractions every 5-10 minutes for the past 24 hours and
I was dilated to a 3, but for me that doesn’t mean a whole lot! We waited about
an hour but contractions didn’t pick up. I knew I was on the clock and I didn’t
want to wait too long and run out of time to have a successful vbac so they
started a low dose of Pitocin. Lots of compromises happened on my part that day
such as the many interventions, but I knew it was important to do everything I
could to push for a VBAC (pun intended). I wondered how long I could manage the
pain on my own since I had 11 tubes/wires coming out of me at this point and I
wasn’t even able to get up to use the restroom, so absolutely no changing
positions to cope with labor pains. No wonder most women opt for the epidural
when in the hospital! Contractions were happening, I really wasn’t timing them
so I don’t know how far apart, maybe every 2-3 minutes? I was making progress
slowly. After the next dose of pit, I told them I was going to be ready for the
epidural soon (I also wanted it in just in case they said csection because I
didn’t want to be put under and miss out on the birth). So the anesthesiologist
started that process and that was probably the worst part of the day. It took
him 6 tries to get the needle in the right spot and once he finally got it in
my blood pressure dropped really fast and I was incredibly dizzy and
lightheaded and needed oxygen and a shot of something. But when it was all
finally figured out, I felt great! It was a low dose so I could still feel my
legs and move them and feel the contractions, just no pain. I sorta loved it
and loved napping while in labor (now I did give birth to Adelaide completely naturally
and loved it, but they were totally different circumstances). At one point the
baby’s heart rate was making me nervous and they had to keep messing with the
Pitocin, turning it off and on, and another nurse told me that they had given
me a chance at a VBAC but it looked like it was going to be another csection
and she was about to give me a shot to stop the contractions when Dr Mauldin
stopped her and just turned off the pit to see if my body would keep going. It
did for a while and I think Pitocin only had to be used about half of the day.
I was still making progress and it was about 3 pm when I was almost completely
dilated, we just needed the baby to descend a little bit more to be complete so
I flipped from side to side and remembered Emery’s birth during it and hoped
and prayed that I wasn’t headed towards a csection. I laid in the dark praying
that God would honor my heart’s desire. I’d come that far and I so desperately
wanted to birth this baby the way I was created to and knew I could. I knew
that at any minute someone could walk through the door and tell me what I did
not want to hear: that it was csection time.
That’s what I believed would happen. I hadn’t allowed myself get my
hopes up for a vbac because I did not want to grieve over it like I did last
time. But I did know that I had done everything in my power to get the outcome
I wanted (my goals were healthy baby, healthy mama, deliver vaginally) and I
could rest easy in that. As I laid there in the dark breathing in that smelly
oxygen mask I started feeling a pressure…something I’d never experienced with
either of my other births! I really wasn’t sure if I was imagining it. So I
waited and kept feeling it and mentioned it to the nurses and told Dr Mauldin I
was feeling some pressure and after checking me they thought I’d be complete
pretty soon so Dr Mauldin wasn’t leaving anymore. On my own, I gave some
practice pushes because that’s something I was worried about. Adelaide took 2
hours to push out and I don’t think I knew how to push then so I was afraid of
the same thing happening. After a couple more checks they casually got ready
for me to push. It was so laid back I wasn’t really sure it was happening. So
different than my other births! I even delivered using stirrups! Which is
totally looked down on in the midwife world that I grew used to, but seriously,
they were so helpful! Pushing was great, I knew when to push and I wasn’t
fighting the pain so I could give it my all and really focus (this is totally
not how I saw my birthing experience going, I was still in disbelief at this
point). It only took 8 pushes and 15 minutes and Lucia Grace was here! Safe and
healthy and perfect! She was immediately placed on my chest, that was a dream
come true! I really do think that has created an amazing bonding experience.
She weighed 9 lbs 8 oz! 5 oz more than her brother and Dr Mauldin told me if he
had known she was that big I wouldn’t have been given the chance to VBAC, so I
sure am glad she hid it so well! Everything went way better than I’d hoped for
and I although it wasn’t my ideal birth, it was great and I feel like birthing
in a hospital was redeemed for me. We had a great recovery experience there and
a great pediatrician (if you know my history with Emery’s birth at the same
hospital, you’ll understand why this was a big deal) and we were released the
next evening! My postpartum nurse was Brook Hopkins, who we go to church with,
so everything was just really comfortable to me. Even though Lucy was my
biggest baby, it has been the best and easiest recovery. She’s a champ at
nursing, sleeping and being sweet! 
